


Kiss in the Text

by Aspera



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and minor angst, Gen, Muggle AU, Texting, jily, jily au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 18:43:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20532770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aspera/pseuds/Aspera
Summary: When James Potter kisses her after a cheeky Nandos with the lads, Lily Evans has an existential crisis. Textfic.





	Kiss in the Text

_Lily E. to A Discovery of Bitches_

**Lily E. 4.33 am**: er ladies

**Lily E. 4.33 am**: I am having a crisis and I would really appreciate if one of you could WAKE THE FUCK UP AND TALK ME DOWN FROM IT

**Mary Macs 4.34 am**: girl u know that I never sleep

**Marlene McK 4.34 am**: this had better be an actual crisis and not something stupid like the time u found out that there’s no actual chocolate in white chocolate and spiraled for 37 hours

**Mary Macs 4.34 am**: lmfao lkndfijesd omg and she wouldn’t stop saying that her whole life was a lie

**Lily E. 4.35 am**: OMG! Can you let that one go? It was 3 years ago and not even important

**Marlene McK 4.35 am**: or the time that she had an existential crisis when she had an iced tea in Disneyland America and didn’t think it was completely revolting

**Mary Macs 4.35 am**: or what about the time that she got drunk at black’s house party and lupin told her that goats have accents and she cried because she was certain that they would bully each other?

**Marlene McK 4.36 am**: om g yesss asdjansdlj

**Lily E. 4.36 am**: are u quite done

**Lily E. 4.36 am**: I really do have a crisis u know

**Mary Macs 4.37 am**: yes darling go on

**Lily E. 4.37 am**: Potter kissed me

**Marlene McK 4.40 am**: is that all or …?

**Lily E. 4.40 am**: what do you mean is that all?????????? That’s plenty!!!! James Potter kissed me! On the mouth! In front of a bloody Nandos!

**Mary Macs 4.41 am**: yes I see ur point. Terribly unromantic location for a first kiss. Would have thought that Potter would have had a better sense of location very poor form

**Marlene McK 4.42 am**: you’d think that he would have planned it all out in his head and had his weird mates help him orchestrate it

**Lily E. 4.42 am**: how are you not more shocked by this?????

**Mary Macs 4.43 am**: the boy has only fancied you since we were 11. It was bound to happen sooner or later

**Marlene McK 4.43 am**: ^^

**Lily E. 4.44 am**: he has not fancied me for twelve bloody years. That’s insane

**Mary Macs 4.44 am**: and yet it’s true

**Marlene McK 4.45 am**: wait

**Marlene McK 4.45 am**: something else must have happened

**Marlene McK 4.46 am**: Nandos in Hammersmith closes at 11.30 at night. It’s nearly 5 am. What have you been doing since then??? Hmmm???

**Mary Macs 4.47 am**: !!!!!

_Lily E. is typing…_

**Marlene McK 4.48 am:** clearly this is going to be good because she’s writing an actual novel

**Lily E. 4.51 am**: so after you lot left to catch the bus to go home and be adorable and domestic Potter kisses me, and I’m so shocked that I actually kiss him back. We are snogging on the street like a pair of teenaged hooligans, and his bloody mates were there so as soon as they turn back, there’s all kinds of a ruckus. Then he just goes like “do you want to go back to my place? Pads is having a sleepover with Moony and Wormy” and then just kind of gives them all a death glare. Again I’m so shocked that I just say yes, and we get on the tube and start snogging like teenagers AGAIN until we get to his bloody fancy house on Rotten Row where we continue to snog on his stupid fancy sofa

**Mary Macs 4.55 am**: … that’s all?

**Marlene McK 4.55 am**: really failing to see the crisis here lils. You snogged a fit bloke who fancies you and who you in turn fancy. What is the problem

**Lily E. 4.56 am**: how do you not see the problem???? It’s Potter!!!! My sworn enemy!!! My rival! And HOW DARE U SAY THAT I FANCY HIM MARLENE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT DREAM IN CONFIDENCE AND IT WAS ONE TIME

**Mary Macs 4.56 am**: dream????????? What dream??????? You never told me this!

**Mary Macs 4.57 am**: also Potter is really fit and you know it’s true because two Kinsey 6 gays say so

**Lily E. 4.57 am**: om g this was clearly a mistake I am never telling you anything ever again

**Lily E. 4.57 am**: I never should have texted you lot you are no help I have no idea what I’m to do but the first thing I’m going to try after I find my clothes is to turn my BLOODY PHONE OFF because you harpies are ABSOLUTELY NO HELP

**Marlene McK 4.57 am**: clothes? U can’t find ur clothes? Because of a little snogging on a boy’s couch?

**Mary Macs 4.57 am**: omg dsofoeihfowuqwuygaysduyfewef esdugwieug

**Lily E. 4.58 am**: bugger, I truly did not mean to tell you that

**Lily E. 4.58 am**: EUGH MY LIFE IS OVER

**Lily E. 4.58 am**: how am I ever to lead a team meeting now that I have had carnal knowledge of one of my underlings????

**Mary Macs 4.59 am**: ok, first of all bitch, we’re not your underlings

**Mary Macs 4.59 am**: we are graduate students who are working on a group research project

**Mary Macs 4.59 am**: secondly, what an antiquated way to describe it

**Mary Macs 5.00 am**: ‘someone that I’ve had sex with’ is too vulgar for you? Sounding like a 20th century American evangelical or something at 5 in the bloody morning

**Marlene McK 5.00 am**: thirdly and most importantly, how was it????

**Lily E. 5.00 am**: it was probably the best night of my life ever

**Marlene McK 5.01 am**: so better than Smelly Geoff who always smelled like a dirty nappy?

**Mary Macs 5.01 am**: asdasjkhief

**Mary Macs 5.01 am**: how in the world did we allow you to date that bell end for two bloody years???

**Lily E. 5.02 am**: because you are truly terrible horrible mates and I will never speak to any of you ever again

**Lily E. 5.03 am**: but really I need you to tell me what to do because I’m going mad here

**Marlene McK 5.03 am**: you’re not still in bed with him rn right? You’ve left the bedroom to have your existential crisis over nothing?

**Lily E. 5.04 am**: of course I haven’t! I can’t find my clothes, remember! I’m currently texting you while Potter has one arm round me and is dead asleep

**Mary Macs 5.04 am:** with or without his glasses?

**Lily E. 5.04 am: **without. Obviously. What kind of monster sleeps with their glasses on?

**Marlene McK 5.05 am: **then ur probably safe.

**Mary Macs 5.05 am:** just put the phone down and go back to bed. Maybe wake Potter up for round 2 😉😉😉

**Lily E. 5.05 am: **it would actually be like round 4

**Lily E. 5.05 am: **but what if he decides he doesn’t want me anymore now that he’s had me?

**Marlene McK 5.06 am:** that’s my girl

**Mary Macs 5.06 am**: babes. Don’t be daft. He has literally fancied you since you were a little red-headed shrimp with scabby knees and dirt on your face. He is definitely not going to change his mind about you now that you’ve had sex

**Lily E. 5.07 am: **are you sure?

**Marlene McK 5.07 am: **of course darling. Now go and wake up that man and have an orgasm and think of me

**Mary Macs 5.08 am: **marls wtf

**Lily E. 5.08 am: **I will absolutely not be doing that

**Mary Macs 5.08 am: **do wake up Potter though

**Mary Macs 5.08 am: **also potentially consider calling him James

**Lily E. 5.09 am: **shan’t. that feels wrong and I don’t like it

**Lily E. 5.09 am: **his name is Potter and he will never be anything else ever

**Marlene McK 5.09 am: **that could be awkward when you two finally get married

**Marlene McK 5.10 am: **but who am I to judge?

**Marlene McK 5.10 am: **phone down Lily

**Mary Macs 5.10 am: **but you have to meet us for brunch later and tell us everything! I’ll make the mimosas

**Lily E. 5.11 am: ** I have too much love for myself to ever willingly consume an alcoholic beverage that you have prepared, Mary MacDonald, but it’s a date xx

**Marlene McK 5.11 am: **use protection! I’m not ready to be an auntie

**Mary Macs 5.11 am: **u have like six nieces and nephews already

**Marlene McK 5.12 am: **which is why I’m not ready to be an auntie AGAIN

**Dorcasaurus Rex 7.39 am: **there’s far too much to read through but omg do you remember the time that Lily found out that mantis shrimp existed and refused to ever go to the seaside ever again??? Classic Lils xxx

**Dorcasaurus Rex 7.39 am: **wait why is Marlene saying that she isn’t meant to be an auntie????

**Dorcasaurus Rex 7.39 am: **hello?????????


End file.
